Would you Adam and Eve it? A Bowl of Chalk that's Meryl Streep!

I would ask you to read the title aloud in a BBC Newsreader voice (not Hugh Edwards), and you get an idea of how funny it can be for me to use Cockney Rhyming slang.


In the Queen's English the title roughly translates as-

"By Jove! A jaunt you can partake in for less than the Earl of Bumpford's annual earnings!"

Or in simpleton terms (i.e. mine)-

"Would you believe it? A walk that's cheap".

This little tangent brings me to this week's offering courtesy of Bowl of Chalk, a guided tour, which promises to be like no other. Bowl of Chalk is Cockney Rhyming slang for "Walk", just in case that wasn't made clear in the previous ramblings.

The walks are a one man operation run by Jonnie Fielding who started the tours after "half-heartedly" looking for a job, but realised that what he enjoyed doing most was walking around London and talking to people about his city. So that's what he's done.

I should mention at this point that he has also got rave reviews from people like Time Out and isn't just one crazy man leading you down alleyway. None of us need pay for that. He has also, very kindly, supplemented information for this post.

The tours take place during the last three weekends of every month. There are three tours each weekend starting with one on Saturday morning at 10.30am going from Trafalgar Square to St. Pauls, then one in the afternoon starting at 2.30pm leading from St. Pauls to Monument. On Sundays there is a tour around East London starting at the more reasonable time of 11am and meeting at Old Street.

The walks are all-weather, last about three hours and you are simply required to email Jonnie in advance to book your place (do so here). This is just so he doesn't leave without you.

What is evident from his website is that Jonnie is not only enthusiastic about London and all its history, but the weird and wonderful stories that are hidden in its side streets and under its statues. He also promises that no two walks will ever be the same.

The majority of walkers are, according to our guide, Londoners, which (joyously) means there will be fewer tourists. There are some things everyone in London joins to complain about one is TFL the other is tourists.

I have been on pay-what-you-think walks before and I always then feel a little awkward at the end when I do have to pay. The reason Jonnie chose to run his operation like this is so that it is open to more people and anyone can go. He said that people have given him anywhere between £5-30 so it really is quite open.

So do your Barnet Fair, give your China Plate a ring on the Dog and Bone and go for a Jane Fonda along the Kermits of our fair Bobby Brown and maybe meet for a Ruby Murray at the end.

If you care to decipher the above then please go to the website "Cockney Rhyming Slang". Hours of fun I can assure you.

As you can tell I favour the words that use names. They just conjure up the best images.

Well I should be making Basement Jaxx (I actually can't stop) so see you me old mucker (that's not even Cockney. Oh just hush).